


Princess Mononoke Transcript- But Better IMHO

by alapest



Category: Mononoke-hime | Princess Mononoke
Genre: I've gone too far, my mind is a hell-scape of idiocy, someone help me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-03 19:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10973610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alapest/pseuds/alapest
Summary: Well, I think it’s safe to say that I think I actually did it this time...  I know I say this a lot but I really do think I broke myself, my computer, the english language and the extent of how far someone should go for the sake of pissing everyone off...





	1. Fareweel.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jacksfilms](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=jacksfilms).



> I love the sounds of my brain breaking. This could have never existed if it wasn't for the "Comment Horribler" so thanks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ashitaka is kicked out of his village because he saved the village... So much logic and much smart. The adventure begins.

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In ancient tumes, da land played covered in forests, whr, from ages log pass, dwelt da spirits iph da gods. bak dan, men nd beast lifd in harmony, butt as tym went bye, most iph teh creat forests were destroyed. doase taht remaned were guarded bye gigantic beasts... whu owed their allagiance too teh creat Forest Spirit, 4 doase were teh days iph gods nd demons.

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Yakul! cum on, boy.

 

grilz!

 

Asitaka!

 

There's somthin strange doing on. yu haf too hurry. da wise woman wonts errbody bak 2 da village at 1ce.

 

We jst came from Ji-san.

dif he c somthin?

 

Yes, in da forest. somat's rong. 

 

da berds haf gone. 

 

da animals too.

 

ill qo too teh watxhtower nd check wit Ji-san. yuu three hurry bak home nd bee quick abote it.

 

All rite. bee careful!

 

Huh? somthin's there.

 

Ji-san, dif yuu c it too?

 

i dif. It isant human.

 

thee wise woman's calling errbody bak tuh thee village.

 

Their. Lo0k. It's sum kind iph demon!  
ah demon?

 

Run, Yakul! Run!

 

It's headed forr d village. i've qot tuh stopp it.

 

Prince Ashetaka, wit! b careful! dat thing iz cursed! don,t let it tooch yuu!

 

hear, Yakul! clam ur fury, o myty lord! wateva yew may b, god or demon, plz leave us in piece!

 

da monster!

 

comr on!

 

got bck! pliz! Leave a village lone! stopp! pliz! stopp! 

 

git p!

 

Run!

 

cum on! Hurry!

 

He killd it!

 

Ashetaka!

 

Fetch tha wise woman!

 

dnt put tha fire out yet.

 

Ashytaka! ate ya all rite?

 

Kaya, don,t tooch it. duh's wound iz evil.

 

teh prince has been heart.

 

whr iz d wise woman?

 

her she comrs!

 

yew most keep away from him, all iph yew. evryone, stay bak.

 

want shall we do?

 

takke d's n pour it over he's wound, caild, slowly.

 

All rite.

 

O nameless god iph rage ans have, i bow brfore yhu. ah mound wiil b raised ans funarl rites performed on d's grond whr yhu haf falen. Pass on in piece ans bear us knw hatred.

 

digesting kittle creatures, soon all iph yuu wiil fell mah hte... n suffer as i haf suffered.

 

um aftiaf tha's iz very bad. tha stones tell meh tha boar god came from far too tha west. He hahd sumome kind iph poson inside him, driving him madd, ah posonous hatred daf consumed he's hart nd flesh... nd truned him in2 ah demon monster. Prince Ashytaka?

 

Yes?

 

Show evryone ur right arm.

 

wat's it meen?

 

mah prince, r yew prepared tuh learn... wat fate da stones haf foretold yew?

 

Yes, i was prepared thee very moment tht i let myh arrow fly.

 

Mmm. thee infection wiil spreid threwout u're hole body, bone ans flesh alike. It wiil cause u creat paine ans tham kil u.

 

iz there knw wag we kan stopp it?

 

da prince qot dat wound bi defending r village ans saving r likes!

 

Do we jsut sit hear ans wacth him die?

 

yuu cannot alter ur fate, mu prince. However, yuu kan rise tuh meet it, iph yuu choose. Look at duh's. duh's iron ball was found in duh boar's body. duh's iz waht heart him soo. It shattered he's bones ans burded its wag deep inside him. duh's iz waht truned him in2 ah demon. There iz evil at wonk in duh land tuh duh west, Prince Asitaka. It's yu're fate tuh qo there ans she wt yu kan she whit eyes unclouded bye hat. yu may find ah wag tuh lift duh curse. yu undrstand?

 

Yes.

 

We r da last iph da Emishi. It's years sence da Emperor destroyed r tribe... ans drove da remnants iph r pealpe tuh da east. sum managed tuh survive her forr all thesw years, buut da blud iph r tribe has qrown thinner ans weaker whit each generation. nou r last prince most cut he's hair ans leave us, nevet tuh return? summtumes i thank da gods r lughing at us.

 

ate laws forbid us from washin yhu got, Ashetaka. wateva cums too pass nou, yhu ate ded too us 4evr. Fareweel.

 

Asitaka!

 

Kaya, waht ate yhu doing her? yhu knowe it's forbidden.

 

Do yu thank i care bout tht? i came 2 give yu d's soo yu wan't forgit yu're liitle stither.

 

u're c riestal dagger. Kaya, i cnt takke da's.

 

pleas, keep it wit yew, brothr, tuh protect yew. yew hust takke it wit yew. pleas, i wnt yew tuh haf it, soo yew wan't... forgit.

 

Kaya, yu now i kould nevet forgit yu.

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	2. Where Ate Thay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our Main character, Ashitaka, Kills some dudes to save a town. Also he meets Jigo Mc-What-Is-On-His-Face. Eboshi tries her best to deal with wolves but many lives are lost.

ah battle? knw. ah massacre.

 

were ate yhu doing?

 

comr bak her, yhu coward!

thay're unarmed! Move in!

 

Look! ap there, on teh hill! It's ah warror!

 

gud! he's head iz mine!

 

yuu! stopp! myh arm! when's happening tuh mii?

 

stopp him!

 

Hurry! stopp him befor he gits away!

 

Let mii pass! um warning yew!

 

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ah demon. d mark iz gitting bigger.

 

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whu's daf?

 

i've nevet sen him.

 

a u saleing soup or donkey piss?

 

Mommy! Look!

 

There he iz nou.

 

i wouldent git too close too him.

 

wiil tha's bee enough?

 

hay! waht r yu tryna pull? tha's isant monni. Give meh bck mah rice, yu kittle thief.

 

Excuse mii, buut myt i inspect tht?

 

got ahead.

 

Mmm? mah God! butt tha's iz ah lump iph pure gold, ye silly woman! However, iph it's monni ye whant, ill pay 4 tha rice nd takke tha's nuggit of ur hands. waht do ya sey? mah god pealpe, iz there ah monni changer whu kould tell us who mmuch tha's iz worth? knw? All rite. nou, um jst ah monk, butt i'd sey three bags iph rice at least. thas rite, maybeh evan moar. hay, wit ah minute. whr ate ye doing?

 

whr a ye doing? Give meh mah gold!

 

hwy! yew kant jsut rush of nou. We've only jsut met. We haf qot yew're rice, nd evrything's fin. yer ah men iph few words. i undrstand. dnt yew evan thank iph thanking meh. It was mah pleashore. In fact, i shound bee thanking yew, rly. yew she, i was caught in tht battle. i sow when yew dif too doase samurai. yew fight liyke ah demon. were'd yew learn too fight liyke tht? i she yew noticed were beaning followed. thas when we git 4 waving tht gold nuggit arond. thay'll wit till were asleep, dan slit or throats. when too yew sey we give 'em ah liitle demonstration iph who fast we kan run, huh?

 

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soo d demon monster terd out 2 bee ah giant boar.

i followed its trail westward threw duh mountains... 2 whr duh samurai were attacking dose villagers. bt thn...

 

yew losed it. thas lift. c duh's place hear? wen i came hear last, ah few years bck, duh's was ah luvly kittle village. butt dan there hust haf been ah flood or ah landslide or ah fire. duh only sur thing iz tht eevrybody's ded. thesw days, there or angry ghosts all arond us, ded from wars, sicness, starvation. nd noboddy cares. soo yew sey your uder ah curse? soo wat? soo's duh hore dame work.

 

i was worng too fight in daf village. Two meh a ded bcuz iph meh.

 

Samurai thugs. yew win sum, yew loose sum. Hand ne ye're bowl. mu point iz, errbody dies. sum nou, sum laterr. From brothel grll 2 Emperor. i've herd dhemm sey taht teh Emperor has promised... a entire hill iph gold 2 anyone whu kan help him lif 4evr. beautifal bowl. i've sen whone aother liyke it. haf ye evr herd iph teh Emishi pealpe? thay're sed 2 ride red elks. thay also use stone arrowheads jst liyke ye. iph corse, thay were all woped out years ago. dnt worry. i wan't tell anyone were yer from. Anyway, i've qot mmuch bigger fish 2 fry.

 

haf ya evr comr across anything liie tha's befor?

nevet haf.

 

It came from duh giant boar. It was inside him. ilm shore it was taht liitle ball iph iron taht killd him.

 

There's ah place haii in tha mountains far too tha west iph her. It's were tha spirit iph tha forest dweels, nd it's ah very dangerois place 4 humans. too enter there iz curten death.

 

teh Spirit iph teh Forest?

 

i've been told thee beasts there or all giants, jsut as thay were in thee dawn iph tume… c ya there, myh fredn. Mmm.

 

Move!

 

cm on! wacth da load!

 

Push him!

 

da sooner we git da's rice home, da sooner we eat. Let's move!

 

Coming da's wag! Wolves!

 

dnt let teh oxen panic! Stay clam! takke ap ya're positions! Keep ya're powder dry. mece shore ya wit forr dhemm tuh comr whithin range! reidy! ans fire!

 

Fire!

 

thay're gitting away!

 

Fire!

 

Secnd rownd! Fire!

 

Fire!

 

dat was it? thay weren't soo big.

thay're jsut pups. wit till ya c their maother.

 

whr ate thay?

 

It's Moro!

 

comr on.

 

Ha, ha! We killd her!

 

ye forgit she iz ah god. It wiil takke mor thn taht.

 

She curtenly dif sum damage.

 

We mive out nou.

 

waht bout duh ne she pushed over duh cliff?

 

thay're death. Let's git teh live'ing home.

 

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